Marriage is difficult — divorce is even harder. Coming to terms with the end of a relationship is no easy feat, and while the accompanying sadness, anger, and grief may seem everlasting, things do get better with time. In the US, approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce, a harrowing statistic, but one that reassures that you’re not alone. The good news is that 64% of men and 52% of women get married again after divorce. That’s right, there is love at the end of the tunnel…you just need to get back on the wagon.

Dating after divorce, no matter the length of your marriage, can feel overwhelming. Before getting back in the game, you need to be able to devote time and energy to a new partner. The journey toward your next first date comes with a unique set of challenges, and we’re here to help you navigate those murky waters.

Below, we’ll walk you through important questions to consider before dating, do’s and don’ts to follow as you ease back in, and a seven-step guide on how to start dating after divorce. With our expert advice, you can confidently close the door on one chapter and open another to a fresh start.

Are You Really Ready to Start Dating?

This is a question only you can answer, so be sure to spend some time thinking it over. Rejoining the dating world could mean relearning how to flirt, clearing time in your schedule for dates, and leaning into vulnerabilities you solely showed to your former partner. In order to enter your fresh start, your baggage can’t be riding with you.

In short, you need to be emotionally stable to welcome new potential partners into your life. 

Take some time to consider the following questions:

• What type of relationship are you ready for? Casual or serious?
• Have you addressed the reasons why your marriage failed? How will you avoid those areas of conflict in the future?
• What are your deal-breakers? What are your red flags?
• Which qualities are most important in your next partner?
• If you have children, how would you want your next partner to be involved?
• Are you prepared to balance time and priorities between your personal life, family, and a new romantic relationship?

Once you can confidently and honestly answer these questions, you can graduate to the next step — getting yourself back up to speed on today’s dating sphere.

Do’s And Don’ts Of Dating After Divorce

It should come as no surprise that modern dating is a bit of a dance. There’s much more to meeting new people than merely showing up. Use this cheat sheet of do’s and don’ts for dating after divorce.

Do:

• Take plenty of time to heal - consider seeking a therapist to reconcile negative emotions
• Listen to your heart
• Define your priorities, intentions, and boundaries
• Be authentic
• Learn from past mistakes

‍Don’t:

• Let loneliness drive your desire to date. Try slow dating to focus on learning about your match at a healthy pace.
• Bring your ex into your new relationships
• Ignore red flags
• Overlook compatibility
• Forget to prioritize self-care

How to Start Dating After Divorce

Step 1: Identify What You Want in a New Partner

Simple right? The first step toward your next love story begins with figuring out what traits your “perfect” person should have to be compatible with your current and future self. 

Here are a few essential criteria to assess potential partners:

• Shared vision for the future: Your future partner should share similar long-term goals. This should encompass family planning, career aspirations, and lifestyle.
• Communication skills: Communication is key! Your future partner should be able to communicate openly, actively listen, and solve problems in healthy, effective ways.
• Compatibility with lifestyle: Your partner’s lifestyle should align with yours. Envisioning a future together should make sense, not stretch you both thin or force you both to compromise on the lifestyle habits you hold dear.

Step 2: Try Online Dating

Everyone’s doing it — embrace the digital age and sign up for a couple of online dating platforms. Even if you’re just putting out feelers, scoping out your local scene, or seriously ready to find your soulmate, online dating should be your first frontier as you enter the post-divorce dating world.

Dating apps have come a long way and there is a wide range of specialized niche platforms that may cater to your needs better than others. Tinder and Grindr have notable reputations as go-to hook-up apps while Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel tend to have higher rates of serious relationship success. Niche apps like BLK and Raya aim to connect their respective Black love seekers and social media influencers. The options are virtually endless when it comes to meeting new people online, it’s a simple matter of deciding which platform is right for you.

If you’re looking for like-minded individuals looking to date Black women and men, CarpeDM is parallel to none. Unlike other dating apps, we pair members up with a matchmaker who will work diligently to find suitors fit for your particular wants, needs, and non-negotiables. Kickstart your next chapter by putting CarpeDM in the driver’s seat. 

Request a 15-minute consultation to speak with a matchmaker and learn how joyful dating after divorce can be. 

Step 3: Get Involved in Your Community

What better way to scope out your local scene than by getting involved with your community? Whether that means volunteering your time at the neighborhood food bank, attending a single’s mixer, or becoming a regular at the bar down the street, creating opportunities to meet new people is essential. By keeping your finger on the pulse of events happening in your area, you create more opportunities to meet potential matches organically in real life. 

Step 4: Be Open-Minded

Dating after divorce requires an open mind. Odds are likely that you’ll already be in a vulnerable space, so integrating meeting strangers into the mix can feel overwhelming. Being firm in your boundaries and standards while remaining open to exploring different types of relationships, differing opinions, and new perspectives is key. 

As you date around, you’ll make plenty of connections that may result in a new relationship or stay in the friend zone. Embrace the good as it comes and let the rest roll off your shoulders.

Step 5: Wait to Introduce Your Kids

Dating after divorce with kids might feel more complicated, but careful planning can ease any tension and apprehension. Let’s be clear — we’re not implying that you completely evade mentioning that you have children (in fact, we strongly advise you to be upfront about your existing family!), we’re simply suggesting you reserve formal introductions for more serious, long-term partners.

At the end of the day, meeting your children is a privilege. Meeting a parent’s new love interest can be an emotional rollercoaster for many children, regardless of their age. Make sure to have a conversation with them before setting up a time to meet your partner. Six months of seeing someone seriously is a good threshold to uphold before making introductions. 

Step 6: Set Realistic Expectations

After coming out of a relationship that was once perfect, it's easy to create idealized versions of your future partner that fill the gaps your former spouse left. While it’s helpful to refer to those shortcomings as must-haves in your future relationships, it’s equally important to set realistic expectations as you open your heart back up.

Focus on building a real connection with someone who matches your energy, shares your core values, aligns with your future goals, and brings true happiness to your life. Use these four pillars as your baseline expectations and you’re bound to pair up with someone who you can build a beautiful relationship with.

Step 7: Prioritize Your Mental & Physical Wellbeing

Above all else, your mental and physical health must remain a priority when dating after divorce. There will be difficult days — days where getting out of bed feels impossible, lonely days spent in solitude. Arm yourself with the self-care tactics and tools to ensure you’re able to lift yourself out of the inevitable funks of post-divorce. 

Try these self-care solutions:

• Seek professional help: A therapist can help you work through difficult emotions and shine a light at the end of the tunnel where you may see darkness.
• Maintain a healthy diet: You are what you eat! A healthy diet can make a world of difference in your mood, self-image, and physical health.  
• Start journaling: Don’t underestimate the power of putting pen to paper. Getting your thoughts out of your head and into a journal can help you process complex emotions. Journaling is also a great way to document your progress as you start a new chapter.

Wrapping Up: New Love is Out There

In the grand adventure of learning how to start dating after divorce, the path may seem intricate, but it holds the promise of a joyful and fulfilling future. Take your time, be open, get out of your comfort zone, and care for yourself. Use this guide as your compass as you navigate into a life of new love.

Ready to find your match? CarpeDM’s professional matchmaking cupids are here to help you discover Ms. or Mr. Perfect. Join CarpeDM today to take that first courageous leap into new, meaningful connections. Your journey begins here.