Imagine this: you’ve found the “perfect” match you've been dreaming of. She’s funny, smart, witty, gorgeous, and has a total heart of gold. Yet, there's certain moments, comments, or behaviors that give you pause. You could see a future with her, but your internal alarms are flashing, detecting relationship red flags underneath it all.
Recognizing red flags early in the dating process empowers men to make informed decisions about the future and longevity of the relationship. Don’t get us wrong — it's not about casting doubt or assuming negative intentions, but rather about fostering a deeper understanding of compatibility and mutual respect. By paying attention to these signals, men can establish healthy boundaries and avoid potential deal-breaking challenges that may arise later on.
The question is; what red flags should you be on the lookout for? We’re here to walk you through the ten most common relationship red flags toxic, immature, or unaware women may present.
Relationship Red Flag #1: She Refuses to Video Chat
It’s 2024, if she doesn’t want to meet you via a video chat once you’ve made a connection, move on. How will you know if she’s the woman behind the picture? Or, if she is representing her personality accurately in her messages? A video date allows you to quickly determine if you and your match have real chemistry that will translate off-screen. A great benefit of online dating is learning about your potential matches before meeting them in person. After all, you might be getting catfished if you’ve been talking to a woman for a while and she refuses every video call attempt.
Pro-tip: Opt for a dating platform that puts video first. At CarpeDM, we’re changing the game by requiring a video call. Rather than making pen-pals with your matches, our members must have a video date within 72 hours of matching. This encourages both parties to enter the relationship with their guards down.
Schedule a consultation with our Matchmakers to get started!
Relationship Red Flag #2: She Doesn’t Text You Back in a Timely Manner
We get it, professionals are busy, and it’s not the end of the world if, on a workday, a woman you just started dating doesn’t have time to check personal messages until her lunch break. But unless you’re working in a top-secret clearance bunker (we’re looking at you, Washington D.C. folks) we’re all constantly checking our phones. If days go by and you haven’t heard back from her, chances are you are at the bottom of her priority list. When it comes to red flags in relationships, texting frequency is often an excellent way to measure how much (or how little) potential the relationship has. Try setting the texting frequency expectation from the beginning – share your texting style and consider if y'all vibe on it or not.
Relationship Red Flag #3: She Has Way Too Many Things in Common With You
While sharing interests and hobbies is a highly sought-after compatibility component of a healthy relationship, a woman who shares your every interest and taste may be trying to force a connection with you. Ask yourself, did she just start liking your favorite basketball team, or is she actually into the Wizards? If she’s not genuinely interested in your hobbies (or doesn’t have hobbies of her own), you’ll have a hard time sustaining a connection down the road. Your time is valuable, so ain’t nobody got time for nothing but a real one.
Relationship Red Flag #4: She’s Always Complaining
We could all use a venting session or two, but does your potential partner only reach out to you to complain about her day? We’re all doing our best to cope in today’s constantly stressful world – so whether she has developed healthy coping skills for day-to-day stressors is a good indicator of how she will manage stress in a long-term relationship.
Is she problem or solution-oriented? If she’s constantly complaining now, it’s a good glimpse of what you can expect in the future.
Relationship Red Flag #5: She Trash-Talks Her Exes
There’s a time and place to have the exes conversation. Sure, we’ve all gone through bad relationships, and sometimes an ex is entirely to blame for that bad relationship, but putting all the responsibility on an ex-partner without recognizing any learning opportunity for growth is where the red flags arise. Overly criticizing her exes without recognizing responsibility may point to deeper denial issues.
Relationship Red Flag #6. She’s Overly Critical of Everything and Everyone
Like trash-talking exes, someone who criticizes other people often and always has an objection about how things are done is focusing your energy on the wrong things. Friendly gossip or the latest celebrity scandal is fine to laugh over from time to time, but ask yourself, when do her eyes light up? When she’s being negative or when she’s talking about life and the amazing things it has to offer?
Relationship Red Flag #7. She Doesn’t Get Along With Other Women
Some people are natural loners, but there are way too many amazing women out here to not get along with any of them. Dating a woman who doesn’t have any girlfriends will put excessive pressure on you as her only social gateway and source of emotional support.
Relationship Red Flag #8. She Doesn’t Have Strong Opinions About Anything
Everyone is passionate about something. Women who refuse to share their personal views on anything or simply agree with everyone else’s opinions demonstrate a lack of interest, confidence, or both. Red flag!
Relationship Red Flag #9. She Texts You Too Often
Who doesn’t like to feel appreciated with a cute message on your way to work? A playful text after a long day at the office or coordinating date details signals green flags in dating. However, an excessive need to check on you and your whereabouts early into the relationship may be an indication of insecurity. Again, have a conversation about texting frequency and avoid the awkward encounters that come with dating and texting during the talking stage.
Relationship Red Flag #10. She’s All Over Your Social Media
It’s one thing to occasionally reply to a funny Instagram story or like your latest post, but it’s a very different thing when she likes your sister’s Instagram post from 2014. To be fair, Instagram and Google are public spaces and she should be doing her due diligence, however, there are limitations to everything.
While online dating demands that we be more cautious of the people we meet and date, a quick scan of their social media behavior can save you a headache of potential bad dating behavior.
Join CarpeDM, and learn more about online dating etiquette.
Red Flag Wrap-Up
Having a red flags checklist and maintaining healthy dating skills is more beneficial than investing in (and then leaving) unhealthy relationships. Red flags are easy to spot in the early stages of online dating if you know what questions to ask. Online dating allows you to identify dating profile red flags before you even send that super-like and embark on a new relationship.Want to learn how to be better at dating and access more information about online dating tips for men, how to date effectively, and online dating red flags for men? Join CarpeDM, the most exclusive dating community for black professionals. Your next chapter full of green flags awaits!
Seize the Dating!
