When it comes to finding love, slowing things down allows you to be more selective and intentional about who you spend time with emotionally, mentally, and physically. Unlike the swipe culture (i.e., hook-up culture) that we’ve all grown tired of, slow dating emphasizes the more essential yet often forgotten aspect of dating – a genuine connection.
What is Slow Dating?
Slow dating is exactly what it sounds like – taking things one step at a time without rushing to date for the sake of being in a relationship. Slow dating involves actually taking time to know a person, building a meaningful connection, and establishing emotional intimacy.
Why Are We Moving Away From Swipe Culture?
The psychological effects of being single for too long have been thoroughly documented in papers and publications across the globe. The adverse effects of being single have contributed to the rise of swipe culture, and the fast-paced and irresponsible nature of it all is causing the dating process to deteriorate. The fear of being single forever and the fact that some people even see being single as a disability or weakness illustrate how dating has changed for the worse.
Don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom. People are dating and building meaningful connections, marriages, and families. Love is and will always be a part of our lives, but you have to do it right!
If you’re looking for love, it’s more important than ever to prioritize slow dating, take steps to heal yourself, and move away from swipe-designed apps and towards platforms designed to help you meet compatible partners! At CarpeDM, the matchmaking app for Black professionals, we aim to change your approach to online dating for the better.
Why Try Slow Dating?
Let’s explore the impact of swipe culture on the current dating scene, how intentional dating effectively helps with moving from dating to relationship, and the advantages of taking it slow, allowing you to develop a normal dating timeline and a dating journey that you can actually enjoy.
Reason #1: Swiping Reduces Your Chances of Finding the One
Is meaningless swiping stopping you from finding the right partner? The short answer is yes.
Just like multitasking, swiping reduces your efficiency and performance because when you try to do more than one thing at a time, your brain lacks the ability to perform either thing successfully. Research also shows that in addition to slowing you down, multitasking lowers your IQ. Sorry overachievers, but you need to slow things down! Slow things down to where it doesn’t take you days at a time to respond to a text.
Our recommendation is simple: focus. Focus on the person in front of you instead of meaningless swiping before, during, and after your date to succeed in deep, meaningful dating. Superficial swiping without even reading through a person’s profile will quickly set you on a path towards getting sick and overwhelmed by online dating, because it’s near impossible to form a meaningful long-term relationship.
Take your time — read through profiles, examine pictures and videos, and review all the things you have in common. Most importantly, start a conversation. If you and your match make it to an IRL date, put your phone away and enjoy the person sitting across from you.
Of course, it’s fine to date multiple people at the same time during the early stages, but try to limit your attention to three people. This allows you to make the most of your time, money, and energy without placing all your bets on one person.
Reason #2: Slow Dating is Smart and Safe
Slow dating allows you to be smarter and safer in your dating journey as you effectively grant yourself more time and space to really understand a partner. Make no mistake, we know that online dating can be exhausting; however, it’s important to never sacrifice your safety in an effort to pick up the pace with your partner. Slow dating is the antithesis of reckless behavior that could put your life and integrity at risk.
We’ve been in this business for a while, and we’ve heard it all, from a “Tinder Swindler,” who conned several women he met on Tinder and scammed them out of millions of dollars, to serial killers leveraging dating apps to lure their victims.
In the face of dating scams and horrendous outcomes, many have started to wonder if they are better off single. While there are pros and cons of a solo life, staying single out of fear is not a healthy approach to life. That’s why at CarpeDM, we have fully verified community members. We run thorough background checks on all members and require matches to video chat before in-person dates are arranged.
Reason #3: Slow Dating Is Hella Romantic
Intimacy is romantic and the only way to get truly intimate is by getting to know your matches on a deeper level. Before embarking on a date with your match, it’s your responsibility to make sure this person is who they say they are. Once you feel comfortable having open, honest conversations, ask some key (and intimate) questions to ensure that your relationship desires are aligned.
Taking things slow, genuinely getting to know someone, and reaching a mutual level of understanding is infinitely better than expedited dating. It’s also the foundation for building a safe and healthy relationship.
Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. What are some intimate questions you can ask to get romantic and learn more about your match? Ask the following questions to reveal whether there’s real compatibility and chemistry between you and your potential partner:
- What is your love language? How do you receive love?
- What does healthy communication look and sound like to you?
- What are your physical and sexual needs and desires?
- Are there any boundaries you’d like to set between us?
- What are your future goals?
- What does emotional intimacy mean to you?
Asking intimate questions can help ensure you and your partner are on the same page. The more you’re able to learn about each other early on, the better your odds for relationship success.
Check out our Black Women Deserve series on how to attract the perfect mate from CarpeDM matchmaker and dating expert Erin F. Darden. Learn which questions to ask on first dates to get a real sense of who your match is, their intentions, and how to go from the DMs to dating.
Reason #4: Experts Say Slow Dating Good for You!
While safety and practicality are great reasons to try slow dating, there are plenty of other expert-backed reasons that deem this dating method king. By taking things slow, you avoid wasting time on incompatible matches, dodge unnecessary heartbreak, and place quality over quantity with intention.
Relationship experts have been recommending slow dating for years because it forces people to date more mindfully and focus on building meaningful, successful relationships. At the end of the day, you do yourself (and your partners) justice by being introspective, present, and patient.
Slow Dating is the Solution
It’s about time you fill your days and nights with enjoyable dates, forming genuine bonds with people who share your core values. Getting to this idealized dating experience is a simple matter of intention, patience, and mindfulness. Slow dating is the secret ingredient to successful relationships that stand the test of time.
